At First When You Don't Succeed...
Felling overwhelmed and super defeated...
17年09月02日 - 5:19 PM EST | So...when we last left off there was a promise of trying to be more "timely" and "proactive" on posting and round-about just getting stuffs done. Well...*hides under a rock*...in my um...*looks around shyly*...ummm, in my defense...(if I even have one?)...I have been proactive but just in ways that you all can't actually see. ﾟ. :｡(*´ｪ`*)ﾟ. :｡ So, let me explain a bit if I may? Shortly after we left off last, I had a TERRIBLE ear ache that knocked me down and out. Being down and out stinks for anyone, but it really, REALLY offset my whole balance. So...I started to think really hard about HOW exactly I would accomplish the tasks I set out to accomplish; like making sure I was able to post on a more consistent basis, right...remember that? Wellllll...that's when I started making a list at work of things that were keeping me from being able to accomplish this task. Here's what I came up with:
- Catching up and completing assignments at work
- Finding time (while still awake) to sit down at my computer
- Focusing on the task of writing a post
- My wonderful furry and spiky family members (2 Dogs / 1 Cat / 1 Hedgehog)
- Finding media to complement my post ideas
- Realization that Instagram / Facebook / Twitter would all suffer if I spent my time just writing
- Spending time and catching up with loved ones like friends and family
- Monthly bills and stretching money to last (currently achieving PRO level BOOYAH!!! lol)
- Desire to just be a little lazy-log-loaf
- A little game called Pokémon GO
So, of course I realized that some of these things just can't be helped. Things like work, taking care of my furry and spiky family members, friends, family, and stretching money to pay bills and do life-stuff (something I like to commonly refer to as adulting) just cannot be ignored. Can I just say...and for the record...ADULTING TOTALLY SUCKS!!! (๐•̆ ·̭ •̆๐)
七転び八起き - Japanese Proverb the essentially puts the focus on getting back up rather than worry about falling again
For me...my family means THE WORLD!
But out of all this list making and chronic complaining (sometimes I whine ok...sometimes I can be a TOTAL PAIN LOL just ask any of my friends) something really, REALLY good came out of it! ✧◝( ◠‿◠ )◜✧˖° I found that I was living in total chaos while mundane tasks in life were truly dragging me down and wearing on me in ways I hadn't really fully comprehended or maybe didn't want to accept? Well...that all ended as soon as my ear ache cleared up! By the way, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH for all your wishes to feel better soon! That really made me smile and helped me to feel better, so...THANK YOU!!! *GIANT HUGS WHILE SQUEEZING TIGHTLY* Sooooooo, after getting all better and catching up somewhat at work I decided that I could either give up, or fight! I gave my mommy-chu a call (something I commonly do because my mommy and I are super close *waves happily* I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!) and she told me, "Pika...I've known you a long time sweetie...and I know that not only do you have this...you'll find a way to fight and achieve even MORE than you originally hoped." I asked her, "You really think so?" Even though she lives thousands of miles away, I could feel that smile and it warmed my heart. NOTHING is better than when you FEEL the love from your family, and my mother means THE WORLD to me! Then, my brother, who means more to me than he'll prolly ever know (YES YOU!!! *sticks tongue out and makes a face*) commented that, "if you just find a balance, I know you'll be fine. Don't worry so much! Your problem Pika is that you overthink everything and make it more complicated than it needs to be." I thought about that and realized, as much as I didn't want to, he was right. Can I stop for a second and just say how much it BOTHERS me that he is like, ALWAYS right!!! -_-# UGH!! I love him to pieces and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him, but it wears on me when I hear him say something, and as much as I may deny it...he's...always...(annoyingly) right... Well...I decided something needed to be done. I didn't want to walk away from everything I had started, and push away everything that I fought so hard for. I want so desperately to find a balance between life / work / social / blog / and storefront (soon to be revisited and opened). My brother was right, somehow I just needed to heed the infamous Nike slogan and "Just Do It" but in a way that wouldn't topple me over and make those things I want so badly feel like a chore instead of a pleasure. Why am I sharing all this with you, you ask? Well, I do care about you internet-readers out there that actually take the time and read my posts. I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN YOU KNOW!!!! I figured that if anyone out there ever has struggled or may currently be struggling with the same things I am right now that possibly sharing my approach with you all could help someone out there? Well, after reflecting on what my mother and brother told me, thats when I think I found a solution (maybe?) !
Passion Drives Everything
At least I think I have a clearer idea as to what I am looking to do...
The heading says it all doesn't it? LOL My secret weapon? Passion. Some may say structure is key, others have told me scheduling, or planning. All of those things are nice, but without a drive, a reason, a cause, or simply put...passion...they're kinda...worthless? ^_^;; So, my best advice to anyone in this situation is to evaluate, or re-evaluate in my case, your passion. Sometimes your original goal changes and morphs into something else! Sometimes its bigger! Sometimes, sadly passion just fades, and thats okay too, ya know? Well...in my particular case, my passion hasn't faded but its kinda taken a backseat to life at the moment. The "backseat-ing" of my passion has become kinda apparent sadly, but I think this was the best thing to happen to me. The stopgap of time has allowed me to reflect a lot and truly realize how important this endeavor of love (this website and social media outlets) is to me and how starved it has become by letting it sit like it has for far too long.
One of the analogies I like to draw upon when considering whether or not I am giving enough attention to a passion of mine is this: Is my passion my acquaintance, my friend or my child? If my passion is my "acquaintance" than I suppose like an actual acquaintance I would give my time briefly and be polite, but the truth really is that an acquaintance doesn't get terribly too much attention, right? (・'v`・)？？ What about a friend? Some might argue that people give more attention to friends than their own children but in this case, lets say that that's NOT the case, ok? XD In the same fashion as a comparable to an acquaintance, a friend would get more attention and dedication, and one might even say some tender love and care. Children are different though. Children would require nurturing and compassion, and when those very rare moments occur (or at least we aim for rare) when children fail or are lost without direction, they turn to their parents, right? So, in this analogy, if you were the parent of your passion; the one...true...dedicated...controller of this little one's fate...don't you owe it to your passion to plant seeds towards its success? Maybe thats the answer then? If you truly own your passion and make it yours, can anything really stop you? Would anything stop you as a parent if something were to happen to your child? In this new light, it gave great perspective to my situation. A perspective I can honestly say allowed me to see the flaws of my "parenting" and a call to ensure my "child" receives the attention it truly deserves. I can start by committing real definable goals to my "child" and seeing where that takes me. In order to do this, I'm gonna have to consider how to fit everything in and find ways to make things easier while still keeping my promises to my "child".
A Solution At Long Last (Maybe?)
I got a new shiny iPad Pro (10.5" 64GB 2017 model) and named her 書き込む, or Kakikomu which means write in Japanese
So the challenge seems SO much clearer now: How do I commit to my passion while making it feel less like a chore but still giving it the dedication it deserves and needs? The answer is less clear but at least now with the challenge defined it allows what others have suggested to start falling into place. Once you make the choice and can commit fully to your passion, the rest seems to be semantics and details. To try and aide me on this journey I decided to take a leap of faith and gave in and bought a shiny new iPad Pro(hibitor) to hopefully help make the issue of pulling out my computer a tad easier? The thought was that if I could write posts with the Apple iOS device, maybe it would help at least provide a way for posts to get written at a faster and more steady rate than relying on when I pull out my computer. Honestly, I think the only reason that pulling out my computer currently causes "Lazy-Loaf Syndrome" (LOL) is because my work, personal email and website data is also stored across this system? Also, I think that having an interface where I don't have to work with media and can just write might actually be a HUGE benefit and help with one of those other issues...focus. UGH! Me and my ADHD can get pretty bad, but as the first post written entirely on the iPad Pro (before being edited on my Apple MacBook Pro) I have to say that the only thing I personally feel that I have to work on now is my ability to write quicker! LOL XD Honestly though, I think this might actually be a big part of the solution that I needed. LETS HOPE SO!!! *Fingers crossed*
Signed with love, compassion, and sincere desire for change,
